I was as close as you can get to death as there were 2 ambulances at my house because I attempted suicide, one with a doctor in it to possibly pronounce me dead. I have gone through some heavy counselling since then and am improving but cannot get rid of the thoughts of ending it all. They have been there for years and are still as strong as ever. With counselling I have been given the tools to help me get over these thoughts but it’s hard, as like all sufferers of Lariam, I suffer from memory loss and sleep disorders. I am still going to counselling for support and recently while I was cleaning the kitchen and my child was watching tv, I had to grab the counter top and take deep breaths as an overwhelming desire to commit suicide came over me again. When it went, I just held my daughter and kissed and hugged her. Even the counsellor cannot make sense of this as I really want to live. When I was in the army I had to hide it as I would have been thrown out. I went sick with the symptoms when I got back from Liberia and was taken off armed duties and sent to the psychiatrist. While seeing him I got word that if I don’t say I’m feeling better, I will be out of the army so I hid what I’m going through. I do know of a lot of soldiers also hiding the symptoms as they have the fear of being discharged. I know that if I was screened properly, I should not have been allowed to take Lariam but screening is a joke. Since then I went to a solicitor. I don’t care about money, I just want the Defence Forces to stop giving Lariam to our troops. I got a reply that a psychiatrist has to say what I am suffering from is a result of taking Lariam but they cannot find anyone in Ireland to do that. The Irish law is so corrupt it makes it impossible for any justice. The government know all about it and are still covering it up. This is not right, I have a beautiful wife, children and grandchild and still think of ways to not be here.

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